When you have a baby, you have to do a bit of mourning, and say goodbye to former ‘you’ by realising the fact that your life will never be as it once was…you can kid yourself that it will be guys, but it really won’t.
I would like to use this space on the www today to lend some advice. Very good advice in my eyes…
My advice is to go through the mentioned above process of bidding farewell to your former life during rather than after your pregnancy as not to feel the shock so much when baby has done their time on the inside and is released with no probation. I think it is important to slowly come round to the idea, and take time to do things ‘one last time’ before those things become either impossible or verrrry difficult/unlikely once bubba is around.
And make sure your man does it too, because god forbid the first time you tell him that actually, yes, I do mind if you go to the pub for a ‘quick’ beer with the lads. And no, you can’t quickly nip out to fly your new sodding drone* on the green when we are about to enter the dreaded witching hour with our newborn!
*Because ladies, apparently when you have a new baby the first thing you need to buy as a new father is a fecking drone…. (If you can’t already tell I was not impressed by this at first, but I have now warmed to it, and it’s actually pretty good fun especially when you fly it to close to a ridiculously high tree and watch the look on new papa’s face. Ha!)
We did the most random and silliest of things together in the time before baby came along as to make the most of our time as a couple before becoming a family. We had spent the past ten years together, just the two of us and were used to doing so much together, especially off the cuff. And soon that was to change, and so would the way our relationship played out going from couple to parents. By no means was this a negative thing, but merely an observation. Our relationship has changed, yes, but it is still, if not more, amazing than it was before 🙂
You may be thinking ‘yeah, but it is so easy to type in hindsight’.
I know. It is.
But both hubby and I did actually do this before baba Twink was born and I am so glad that we did, hence sharing this advice with you today.
So what are my three main suggestions?
— TAKE A BREAK —
This doesn’t have to be abroad, it can be a little getaway to cornwall, a night away at a hotel or even a weekend camping with mates. We went away for the weekend in September to see my uni friends, and it was just lovely! It was so relaxing and would be the last time we spent altogether before a baby joined the clan.
Before that, Hubby and I had been away to Spain with some friends when I was around three months pregnant, and I am so glad we did that too! We had the opportunity to spend time chilling with our friends, stay up late drinking cocktails/mocktails and both enjoy showing off my bikini body one last time, ha!
(Side note: I joke about this but I am not ashamed one bit of my postnatal body (despite thinking I would be) and look forward to sporting my tiger stripes with pride in the future. Your body is doing an amazing thing ladies and any scars you may bear are there as a reminder of the most amazing thing you have ever done. Try to learn to love them…)
— BE SILLY, LAUGH AND PLAY —
OK, so this is our relationship in those words to be honest. We make each other laugh ridiculous amounts and are silly A LOT of the time. We had so much fun in the lead up to the baby’s arrival and did so much together including…
… baking cakes, making candles, playing hours upon hours of xbox lego games (The Hobbit being the firm fave of all of them), then watching hours upon hours of the Hobbit films amongst many other films and TV programmes, frequenting IKEA to eat them out of their meatballs, making pancakes for the dog, flying power kites (until I landed face first, and then we decided maybe it wasn’t such a good idea), doing puzzles, pub quizzing, dressing the dog up for our own amusement, having many dates and games nights with our friends and general pratting around (especially when shopping for and preparing baby related stuff, perhaps as a way of channeling our anxieties, ha!)
I know that perhaps not every relationship has silliness, but I do know that every relationship has its quirky bits. Focus on those bits and enjoy them!
— ORGANISE —
This is practical and fun. (God, I sound like Monica from Friends!) Partners, new mamas will hit a point where she will nest and become, quite frankly, ridiculous.
Be aware that you may have to jump in even if you don’t want to because the big bellied lady in your life really shouldn’t be climbing on the edge of the bath to clean the ceiling, but she will if she has to! I too went into full blown clean and organise mode, and it wasn’t even baby stuff that I was focussing on. Two days before I had the baby, I took apart our fireplace to clean the INSIDE that nobody ever sees…and then of course needed help up off the floor once it was complete. Flipping mental…
Anyhoo, my point here is that you might as well get organised together and have fun while you’re doing it. Now is the time to focus on getting your lives SORTED. Get those shelves up, paint the hallway, oh sod it why not redo the entire garden?! Note: make sure you fully commit to this, we have a lovely patio but still no grass 9 months later :/
In all seriousness, its practical but also important as once that bubba is here, these jobs will only seem more difficult to get done and a lot less fun!
So there ya go….my advice to you today is complete!
Guys, just because I am offering this advice, it doesn’t mean that you have to let go of who you are completely as a couple or individually.
It just means that things will change, be prepared for that if you can.
Yeah sure, you may no longer frequent the pub like you used to, and walking in heels, however desirable, is just not always practical especially when you’re pushing a pram and walking the dog and ramming a sandwich down your throat because its the first chance you’ve had to eat all day….
All I’m saying is, before that little miracle enters your life, take some time…
…make the most of little moments together, wear those high heels (yes I wore heels once at eight months pregnant like a lemon), spend time together as a couple doing everything and nothing, and don’t forget to include your pet dog/cat/wallaby in that equation somewhere!
Did you take time to say goodbye to your pre-parenting lives together? Do you have any advice to add?