Oh hey guys! And a very belated happy new year to you all!
The tumbleweeds have been a’rollin’ around here of late as I chose to take a break from writing. A break to allow me the time and space to think about why I am here. Why this blog exists. Why it began, what I originally set out to achieve and where I want it to go next. And so now I return, in an attempt to rebuild this broken relationship between me and this here blog. And that is what it is – broken. I am here with my cyber
sello Washi-Tape and I am going to try and patch a few things up.
One big patch up that had to be done was to fix a damaging hack. Why hackers would want to attack my little site which keeps itself to itself is beyond me. But it happened, and after a little cry, I tried to find the help that I would need to sort it out. I had found someone who I believed would help me, but sadly they let me down in quite an unprofessional way – for me, this was just as damaging as the hack itself as I lost a lot of faith in people who I believed to be professional and honest. Luckily I have some amazing friends within the blogging community who held my hand and picked me up when I felt positively crap about the whole situation and then one generous friend in particular helped sort the whole messy hack out. Thank you Hannah.
The truth is, after that, I fell out of love. Top branch to lowest root. Things had already been going that way, and this was the final straw to break my relationship with my little blog’s back. And however much I wanted to come here and write I just couldn’t. I lost all love for this space. I forgot what my voice sounded like and why I was even bothering with it at all. All I saw was everyone else’s achievements and the lack of mine (even though now I can see that my own little wins were there). It became an effort and a pressure. A place that started to create anxiety instead of relieving it. And so I consciously avoided it. I even had to cancel on work and collaborations that I’d had lined up, some which I was so excited about. Everything came to a screeching halt.
Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.
The thing with blogging is that it is so easy to fall into a trap where stats, ratings and all other comparable things become quite all encompassing. It surrounds you. Unique visitors, followers on social media, ratings on score boards, awards that seemed so unreachable, emails from PRs who will happily say you’re just not good/big/popular enough. It is so easy to compare oneself with others in the field and forget why this all began in the first place. It’s so easy to cast off the little personal wins when you see bigger ones around you. I got well and truly sucked up in what was happening everywhere else, but couldn’t find my own focus at all. And so the downward negative spiral continued, sucking every last breath from my creative voice.
Now I have had some time to reflect. For me, blogging was never about making it into a business, I have just been fortunate enough to grow and have brands ask to work with me. This all began with some words on virtual paper, without a care in the world if one or one million people read them. Those words were for me. And so now that is how I shall continue. I shall put pen to paper for me first. Whatever else happens off the back of that will be an added bonus to appreciate and a reason to smile about.
So all in all, what’s the jist of this post? Well, put simply, I’m back. But on my own terms and nobody else’s. I have some little plans in my head for both this space and of course my new little biz Mama.Gang which is a work in progress. I won’t share my goals on here, as I only want myself to answer to. But I am excited. I am slowly falling back in love with this little lovely place and I hope to visit much more often.
Peace and love to you all x